How are you showing up in your world? Do others know you and what to expect?
Are you happy with how you are treated by others? Are you happy with how you are treated by you?
I recently had an experience where I realized that I wasn’t showing up in the way that I wanted to at work. There were little incidents that kept escalating over the course of about a year and then the final incident made me realize that I haven’t been speaking up as much as I should have. Part of the reason is that I was fighting back so I didn’t see it as a problem at first because I wasn’t allowing the other person to walk all over me. But another part of the reason, that I hadn’t truly admitted to myself, was that I lacked the experience that a lot of the others at work have. Granted experience comes with age and a lot of the people that I work with are at least 10 years older than me. So intellectually I know that there is no way I will ever have an equal amount of experience but it can still be intimidating. Maybe it’s partially imposter syndrome. All I know is that it escalated to the point where I was disrespected in a meeting and had to take an immediate stand. After I calmed down a bit (it took a couple of weeks before I could talk about it without getting pissed off) I realized that while I’ve been pushing back, I hadn’t made it abundantly clear what my boundaries were. This is where the question comes up: How are you showing up in your world?
How are you showing up for yourself?
How do you talk to yourself? Do you allow yourself room to make mistakes? Room to grow? Have you set boundaries with yourself and others? Setting boundaries with yourself is just as important as setting boundaries with others. So many of us are our own worst enemies when it comes to self-talk and belief in our capabilities. Would you let someone talk to your loved ones the way you talk to yourself? If your answer is no then STOP ALLOWING YOU TO SAY IT TO YOU!
How are you showing up to your co-workers?
We spend so much of our time at work that it is inevitable that we will build some sort of relationships with our co-workers. How do they see you? Are you part of the team and your thoughts and ideas considered equally? Or do they see you as someone they can ignore or take advantage of? Do you stand up for what you know is the right thing to do at work? I’m sure we have all worked with someone who felt that they had the right to be disrespectful to others because no one ever set the boundary with them. We know that it should not happen in any workplace. Remember the term “respectful workplace”? We’ve heard it for years at my job but it still happens. This is where you decide how you want to be treated and you make it clear to anyone who disrespects you. Now I’m not saying that you get to walk in and expect to have your co-workers grovel at your feet but you should not go into work every day dreading the people that you work with because of their attitudes towards you.
How are you showing up to your family and friends?
What is your relationship like with your family and friends? Do they respect your need for privacy, if that is important to you? Do they respect your need to make your own decisions in life? Do they respect your decisions? Do they respect you as an individual as well as a part of the family? Many times we don’t stand up for ourselves when it comes to our family as much as we should. Your family may not be as supportive as you would like them to be or they may expect to have a say in every aspect of your life. A lot of times people will project their fears onto you. For example, you want to start a business but your family says you should stick with your good paying job. That could be coming from their fear of you experiencing hardship or just fear of the unknown. Each generation has its own set of beliefs and that is how they see the world. The same can be said of your friends. They may genuinely be concerned for your livelihood and want to protect you. The reality is that you control how much interaction you have with them, whether they are your friends or your family. If you are not getting what you need, you determine how the relationship continues.
If you are repeatedly experiencing situations where you are not happy with how you are treated, you need to make a decision now. Will you allow your unhappiness to continue or will you stand in your power and demand the respect you deserve? The next time something happens or someone says something that you don’t like, stand up for yourself. If you need to take time to calm your emotions, then do that but do not let too much time pass. You are the only one who can decide what you will accept from others.